i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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