i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
