i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
