At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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