I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
