You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
