so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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