Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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