that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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