I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
