please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
