dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
