Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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