I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
