theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
