I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
