The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
