batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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