I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
