puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
