maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
