Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
