dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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