last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
