yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
