i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
