ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
