I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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