ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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