I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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