i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
