I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
