and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
