you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
