sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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