i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
