You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
