So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
