I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
