take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
