I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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