Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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