Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
