The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
