I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
