Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
