yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
