You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
