I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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