we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Ladies don't puke and tell
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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