Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
