My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
