it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
