The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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