We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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