DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
