Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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