feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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