i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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